I don’t think I’ve ever written a post simply to capture these days, but maybe I’m wrong. Maybe I’m discrediting my past feelings, but that’s not important..

I want to write to say: I am really happy with the way things are going. I don’t think there has ever been a time when I’ve ever felt like someone was so right for me. Not in the ‘in love way’ but in the way that this is what I want for my life right now. I don’t think I want to deny my feelings of anything. I wouldn’t even let my dark thoughts about any of this come through. There’s definitely a different tint to the  world, at this moment. Regardless of all the stress of the end of the year. It’s been a little less than an alright one, but I don’t think I could have asked for a better way to end it. I guess this is what it feels like to live in the moment.

All I need is time and distance.

Little poem boats, song boats, and everything else that exisit boats towards your isles

It’s because I know that one day, in the future, we get over these feelings, that I allow myself to be this way.

It’s gonna be the poems and songs that I think would hold those feelings in them after it’s completely gone from my everyday routine. They’ll be there forever—in poems/songs, and I’m okay with that. I’m okay with this. And in a way, I think that’s why I’ve expressed myself in those two forms, I keep subconsciously relating poems and songs back to what’s going on now. Actually everything relates back. 

(Sidetracking here: everything carries me to you,
as if everything that exists,
aromas, light, metals,
were little boats
that sail
toward those isles of yours that wait for me. -Pablo Neruda)

Okay, I’m lame, I know, and this keeps happening way too often.
Just so I could savior these feelings.

Way back when I had posted this short line on December 2010: “Savor your feelings because they don’t last that long.”
I really don’t know if I understood back then just how.. bad that could be. By bad, I mean how much this is gonna suck when it ends.

And I know—but whatever— that the feelings may not be the same on both sides at all, but what did that ever matter to anyone. If I could I would stop myself, like anyone else would.. but we’re not that imprisoned to our Superego. #YOLO

Painted Pattern of Love

With some love there comes this line Stronger than that love once blind Placed upon the starry skies And over the fields while on this ride

Can’t cross upon it anymore No words of disdain but distrust it bore A single thought a single thing While for a second on heaven’s wings

Wild and restless as a child Of wilder thoughts of a coming bride Then with the line fate had drew The once bright skies a darker hue

Never looked to nature for this Or with a weakened heart touched lips A clue a sign or something new That every moment it was some how true

And though I sink a little lower And though my heart races a little slower I want to rest upon your bed And waste my time with lust instead

Only to awaken in sudden fear That love’s pattern painted here Of mistrust a boy can make And in the end we all blame fate

Tuesday, March 19th 2012

In the brisk cool breeze

My mind had set

And bloomed dead seeds

The night we met

A pleasant pace 

To our meeting

My heart did race

Then sudden fleeting

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Drifting Thought

[Life] I hate it and I can’t think of any other way to say it but by writing. I can’t think of many things — to be happy about. [Irony] This is for my eyes only so I don’t know why I would decide to fix this up in any particular way. 

I think I will “mediate” just like people die.

[Writing] You can choose what you wanna say but not what happens.